Alright, I’m just gonna say it. Mom guilt isn’t real, y’all. I recently stopped believing “mom guilt.” And let me tell you why.
First and foremost, I am a child of God. As a daughter of God it’s taken me a while to realize and appreciate the fact that God has given me many roles, opportunities, talents, and blessings in life. But my first role is as a child of God.
And as a child of God, it would be negligent and ungrateful if I were to dismiss all of these other roles in life to only focus on one.
Do you want to know what “mom guilt” is? Mom guilt is a completely falsified construct that society tells you to feel when you, as a mom, pursue opportunities that aren’t related to your children.
After I had my first son, I fell in love with my role as a mommy. I mean, I dove right in. I was consumed. I thought that my only purpose was to be a mommy – and that was great! But then I constantly felt like I was falling short and not measuring up to what I thought a “good mom” was supposed to be like. I’m here to warn you: it can get dangerous when you are so consumed by ONE role in your life. It can become very isolating and depressing when you feel like you have one role and only one role. You will start feeling like a failure when you put so much pressure on yourself.
I know because I’ve been there before. I became so consumed in motherhood and trying to be a good mother that I lost myself in that role. I lost myself, y’all.
I neglected opportunities that God gave because I thought that that’s not what “good moms” do. I ignored my other roles and blessings because I thought that “good moms” can only be moms. I was so consumed in being “mommy” that I forgot who I was – I forgot what it felt like to be me.
When you become to consumed with one role in life, you are neglecting your other God-given roles, talents, opportunities, and blessings.
Do you want to know when I stopped believing in mom guilt?
When I realized that I wasn’t going to put my pursuits on hold and blame my kids for it. When I decided that I wasn’t going to blame my kids for me not pursuing my dreams. If I don’t reach my goals and chase my dreams, that’s on me.
I refuse to teach my children that they are the reason for their mom not pursuing her dreams and reaching her goals.
Instead, I choose to teach my children this narrative: your mom worked, got a Master’s degree, and chased her dreams endlessly all while raising you.
I choose to teach my children this narrative: your mom didn’t let society’s concept of motherhood stand in the way of her dreams. And you shouldn’t let anything stand in the way of your dreams either.
I choose to teach my children this narrative: your mom worked, chased her dreams, and was STILL present for you.
I refuse to tell my children that they are the reasons that I put my dreams on hold – because your dreams cannot be put on hold.
So yes, I’m a mother. And yes, I have responsibilities as a mother that will have to come first. But I’m so much more. God has also given me so many more roles, opportunities, and blessings. I cannot neglect or deny those God-given blessings, and you shouldn’t either.
Catholic wife and mom. This blog is my attempt to trust the Holy Spirit and write what’s on my heart.